Patriarchy of course killed her. Were she a male politician would she have been allowed to walk around with no security? I highly doubt Musharref walks around without security. It is interesting to note that Al Qaeda claims responsibility...an organization that would like to all but eliminate women from the earth and certainly from political situations. Not only that but men with power like Bush and Musharref sat there and just let her continue to have threats against her.
It's interesting that this follows my post on women. It is very sad that Bhuto was killed, but if this country and its allies were serious about being for democracy and human rights this tragedy could have been avoided. The truth is women in positions of power are threatening and so rather than aid the woman, we all let her down.
I for one feel very badly that these events were allowed to happen and I will have to consider some thoughts as to what will be the future of Pakistan and the region in the wake of this. However, women's issues have been set WAY back by this event.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
The Women
Wow, has it really been over a month since my last post? It seems so strange that it has been so long. The politics of sex have always been a strange topic, and especially when examining Biblical society, but it is still true in modern society. Some have asked me to write commentaries on Dinah, Ruth, Deborah, and Esther and perhaps I will find the time to write about these women in addition to Tamar's commentary in the previous post. Each of these women has a story to tell after all with love, tragedy, humor, and other assorted qualities of a good story. However, this is not that sort of post.
My topic this time is the politics of the women. The women in general, what does it mean to be a woman? This varies from places like Saudi Arabia where women don't really exist as people, to places like Iran where they become doctors and lawyers, to places like the USA where in some cases they are high powered and in other cases they are screwed. Femaleness is apparently very political. Why is it so political? I was once told that it is so political because men are jealous of women's ability to give life and therefore feel a need to exert control over women. I don't think this is the case. I think that what we have here is an identity crisis and it is brought on by men forgetting how to be men and so women can't really be women. This is an over simplified view of the world of course, but seeing as I am planning on moving on to greener pastures at some point in the not too distant future it is important to keep things as simple as possible.
There are obviously many ways to be male or female, but this is not a post about masculinity being dead or my thoughts and feelings on that topic. This is a post about the political system interacting with women. If Margaret Thatcher had been a man would people have mocked her as much as they did and call her the "Iron lady" probably not, she'd probably have been treated much the way Vladimir Putin has been treated, he's been mocked in the context of Russian history but no one has commented in a mocking manner about the way he acts as a man.
Positions of power are always tenuous and need special attention no matter who is in them, but it seems that once in a blue moon power gets turned on its head. Looking at for example the Thompson campaign. If Mrs. Thompson was 24 years older than Fred would people say the things about Fred that they say about her? It's an interesting question. What is power and where does it come from, who really holds the power in these couples?
The most interesting example of women politically speaking I believe is the women of Iran. Iranian women are very free and yet very un-free at the same time. This is often more true of American women than we wish to admit (perhaps this is also true in Europe I don't know). The Iranians are a very proud people and should be given more respect from people than they have been getting.
My topic this time is the politics of the women. The women in general, what does it mean to be a woman? This varies from places like Saudi Arabia where women don't really exist as people, to places like Iran where they become doctors and lawyers, to places like the USA where in some cases they are high powered and in other cases they are screwed. Femaleness is apparently very political. Why is it so political? I was once told that it is so political because men are jealous of women's ability to give life and therefore feel a need to exert control over women. I don't think this is the case. I think that what we have here is an identity crisis and it is brought on by men forgetting how to be men and so women can't really be women. This is an over simplified view of the world of course, but seeing as I am planning on moving on to greener pastures at some point in the not too distant future it is important to keep things as simple as possible.
There are obviously many ways to be male or female, but this is not a post about masculinity being dead or my thoughts and feelings on that topic. This is a post about the political system interacting with women. If Margaret Thatcher had been a man would people have mocked her as much as they did and call her the "Iron lady" probably not, she'd probably have been treated much the way Vladimir Putin has been treated, he's been mocked in the context of Russian history but no one has commented in a mocking manner about the way he acts as a man.
Positions of power are always tenuous and need special attention no matter who is in them, but it seems that once in a blue moon power gets turned on its head. Looking at for example the Thompson campaign. If Mrs. Thompson was 24 years older than Fred would people say the things about Fred that they say about her? It's an interesting question. What is power and where does it come from, who really holds the power in these couples?
The most interesting example of women politically speaking I believe is the women of Iran. Iranian women are very free and yet very un-free at the same time. This is often more true of American women than we wish to admit (perhaps this is also true in Europe I don't know). The Iranians are a very proud people and should be given more respect from people than they have been getting.
Friday, November 16, 2007
There seems to be much debate about this particular biblical passage and what the part about being a desolate woman refers to. Many have said that it is a reference to her never having children. I have always been of the opinion that it refers to her being hollowed out and being made a shell of a person by the event. This is what happened to me after my rape, and continues to happen to me related to some other issues. I believe that this is what the reference is about the profound grief that not only the initial transgression creates, but is further created by an environmental response of don't talk about it, or it will go away, or I don't believe you, or some other similar response. Perhaps this is not what is intended, but it is often the way these things happen to play out. This creates an environment that causes one who has survived to question everything, including themselves at a very basic level. Of course Tamar didn't have children, how could she ever trust another man after what happened with her brother? However, she needed to be somewhere so she goes to the house of her brother, it seems to make sense. He also is an interesting character in this story, I've always found his character to be fascinating, the way he says nothing to anyone and then just kills the man. I wonder if he tells Tamar what happened and she feels more grief or if she continues to just wonder if her brother believes her.
Most of the time no one believes, I know this has been my experience and it creates even more grief. How can one recover and be normal when the messages coming in are wrong? How can things be done in a manner that makes it easier to get on with things if one is constantly wondering if they are believed and if the emotions are valid. The reality is that these situations could lead to great healing but often they lead to more pain and suffering.
I wonder what really is the cause of her desolation, but I have a general idea it is the same sort of desolation I have been feeling. "I'm dead and I haven't figured it out yet" I nearly laughed when someone said that to me about themselves. I think it is definitely true in my case.
2 Samuel 13
The Rape of Tamar1 Now David's son Absalom had a beautiful sister named Tamar. And Amnon, her half brother, fell desperately in love with her.2 Amnon became so obsessed with Tamar that he became ill. She was a virgin, and Amnon thought he could never have her.
3 But Amnon had a very crafty friend—his cousin Jonadab. He was the son of David's brother Shimea.*4 One day Jonadab said to Amnon, "What's the trouble? Why should the son of a king look so dejected morning after morning?"
So Amnon told him, "I am in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister."
5 "Well," Jonadab said, "I'll tell you what to do. Go back to bed and pretend you are ill. When your father comes to see you, ask him to let Tamar come and prepare some food for you. Tell him you'll feel better if she prepares it as you watch and feeds you with her own hands."
6 So Amnon lay down and pretended to be sick. And when the king came to see him, Amnon asked him, "Please let my sister Tamar come and cook my favorite dish* as I watch. Then I can eat it from her own hands."7 So David agreed and sent Tamar to Amnon's house to prepare some food for him.
8 When Tamar arrived at Amnon's house, she went to the place where he was lying down so he could watch her mix some dough. Then she baked his favorite dish for him.9 But when she set the serving tray before him, he refused to eat. "Everyone get out of here," Amnon told his servants. So they all left.
10 Then he said to Tamar, "Now bring the food into my bedroom and feed it to me here." So Tamar took his favorite dish to him.11 But as she was feeding him, he grabbed her and demanded, "Come to bed with me, my darling sister."
12 "No, my brother!" she cried. "Don't be foolish! Don't do this to me! Such wicked things aren't done in Israel.13 Where could I go in my shame? And you would be called one of the greatest fools in Israel. Please, just speak to the king about it, and he will let you marry me."
14 But Amnon wouldn't listen to her, and since he was stronger than she was, he raped her.15 Then suddenly Amnon's love turned to hate, and he hated her even more than he had loved her. "Get out of here!" he snarled at her.
16 "No, no!" Tamar cried. "Sending me away now is worse than what you've already done to me."
But Amnon wouldn't listen to her.17 He shouted for his servant and demanded, "Throw this woman out, and lock the door behind her!"
18 So the servant put her out and locked the door behind her. She was wearing a long, beautiful robe,* as was the custom in those days for the king's virgin daughters.19 But now Tamar tore her robe and put ashes on her head. And then, with her face in her hands, she went away crying.
20 Her brother Absalom saw her and asked, "Is it true that Amnon has been with you? Well, my sister, keep quiet for now, since he's your brother. Don't you worry about it." So Tamar lived as a desolate woman in her brother Absalom's house.
21 When King David heard what had happened, he was very angry.*22 And though Absalom never spoke to Amnon about this, he hated Amnon deeply because of what he had done to his sister.
Absalom's Revenge on Amnon
23 Two years later, when Absalom's sheep were being sheared at Baal-hazor near Ephraim, Absalom invited all the king's sons to come to a feast.24 He went to the king and said, "My sheep-shearers are now at work. Would the king and his servants please come to celebrate the occasion with me?"
25 The king replied, "No, my son. If we all came, we would be too much of a burden on you." Absalom pressed him, but the king would not come, though he gave Absalom his blessing.
26 "Well, then," Absalom said, "if you can't come, how about sending my brother Amnon with us?"
"Why Amnon?" the king asked.27 But Absalom kept on pressing the king until he finally agreed to let all his sons attend, including Amnon. So Absalom prepared a feast fit for a king.*
28 Absalom told his men, "Wait until Amnon gets drunk; then at my signal, kill him! Don't be afraid. I'm the one who has given the command. Take courage and do it!"29 So at Absalom's signal they murdered Amnon. Then the other sons of the king jumped on their mules and fled.
30 As they were on the way back to Jerusalem, this report reached David: "Absalom has killed all the king's sons; not one is left alive!"31 The king got up, tore his robe, and threw himself on the ground. His advisers also tore their clothes in horror and sorrow.
32 But just then Jonadab, the son of David's brother Shimea, arrived and said, "No, don't believe that all the king's sons have been killed! It was only Amnon! Absalom has been plotting this ever since Amnon raped his sister Tamar.33 No, my lord the king, your sons aren't all dead! It was only Amnon."34 Meanwhile Absalom escaped.
Then the watchman on the Jerusalem wall saw a great crowd coming toward the city from the west. He ran to tell the king, "I see a crowd of people coming from the Horonaim road* along the side of the hill."
35 "Look!" Jonadab told the king. "There they are now! The king's sons are coming, just as I said."
36 They soon arrived, weeping and sobbing, and the king and all his servants wept bitterly with them.37 And David mourned many days for his son Amnon.
Absalom fled to his grandfather, Talmai son of Ammihud, the king of Geshur.38 He stayed there in Geshur for three years.39 And King David, now reconciled to Amnon's death, longed to be reunited with his son Absalom.*
Sunday, November 11, 2007
A Song From My Heart...
I cannot erase the marks you left on my face, my body, and soul. I cannot escape the pain inside my head. I cannot escape the memory of what you have done. It's over, but the wounds just won't close. It's over but you're everywhere. I've been reborn, but I am still dead. I cannot escape the past nor can I escape the future. I am trapped in a present between two times. I am trapped by the plans you made, by the way you behaved. Yeah, it's over but your ghost is still here. The demons still haunt me in the night.
I guess you can't accept that I am better than you, so together you all had a crew. Together the crew abused me, but the joke's on you. Yeah, I said the joke's on you. I am more than just a girl, I am more than just this object you tried to create. I was never what you thought I was, or should be. You never saw me as I am. It's over now, and you are no longer here. I am strong and I am surviving. I am fine and you are useless.
It's over and you will never be here, you will never be inside my head again. When he holds me close, do you wish it was you? When I whisper in his ear, do you hear the words in your head? When I am standing tall, do you fall to the ground and wish you could reach me? Do you think that you won? It's over and you lose. It's over and I am still here. It's over and you may have thought you were right, you may have thought you won the test of time. You may think you are better than me, but where are you now? Can you even see? Do you even know?
Can anybody hear me? When I scream in the night, when he picks me up do you wish it was you? Do you have any idea what you did? Do you know what it felt like when you left me there, in that space and time. That place of hell. When it haunts me in my dreams, do you wish it was your arms I was reaching for? I'm no longer a child, I am no longer your child. You lost the game, it's so over.
Do you think you are good? Do you feel proud? Didn't I make you happy on your wedding day, and all you did was give me pain. Do you treat her that way? Yeah it's over and maybe she's also lost because she is stuck with you and these crazy bastards. She deserves better than this.
Do you feel powerful? Do you feel important? You used your influence to kill your own child! The game is up though and in the end you only killed yourself. When he's standing with me and we're running the world do you wish you were there? When he kisses my lips do you wish you could see? Remember when you used to ask me stuff like that? When he holds me close and wipes the tears away do you wish it was you? You fucking bitch, I will never again think of you.
And what of the church? What of this sacred place, a place that is supposed to be a safe haven. Where we touch God? What do you think God thinks of you now. You think you are so mighty, but it's over and God is coming. Do you think he will tolerate how you fucked up the life of one of his own? What gave you the right? Yeah, the game is over and he's coming to collect. When my head is anointed do you wish it was for you?
Yeah it's over and you lose. I win the game, I have the most powerful weapon ever. I have the best laid plans, the best revenge. Judgment is with me, it's mine and you've lost the game. Love, Honor, Cherish, these words mean nothing to you, but they are the lifeblood. They are what wins the war in the end. You love to hate me, you love to rule me, you love to not even know me. You get your wish, I am gone, but remember babies the game is over and you have all lost. In the end you have lost the battle and the war. The songs are playing, and I am lifted high. I am in a better space and I am safe. You will always run and hide. You will always find the wolf knocking at your door and the world so cold. It's over daddy and I'm never coming home. It's over you fucking bitch you made your bed now lie in it. It's over you rat bastard brother of mine...maybe next time you'll think. Last of all you fucking prick, you're the last to know how much you've really lost. Maybe you will never know.
As to the church, they too have lost. It's not my battle, but in the end they will get theirs as well. It's over babies, it is so over and guess where you go? Guess where you belong. When I'm on the yacht and in the maserati, guess where you will be? When I am standing tall and my friends are with me, where will you be? You who left me, you who screwed me, yeah babies it is so over and you have so lost the game. You will be dead on the sidewalk missing me and wondering what I am doing. Yeah it's over, and you are not here so get the fuck out of my head.
Take your memories, take your demons, take your God and get out of my head. Get off my body, and out of my mind and soul. Leave me be, make sure the door doesn't hit you on the way out. Yeah baby, it's over. So over, and you will never again have the status you had. Does it feel good to know where you've gone? Does it feel good to see what you've done. I may be shattered but it's only a winterized state, soon I will be more powerful than ever and where will you be?
Crushed under my heels, oh it's over and you will never again rise up. You've lost the game, and believe me you will never again be around to abuse me. It's over baby so please get out of my way. Let me be and don't try to interfere. You've lost the war now go back to the battle lines.
It's over, it's so over, you have lost and I have won. Always remember that you could have had me, you could have had it all. Remember me when we are ruling the world and you are a bottom feeder, remember what I offered you and you refused. Remember me, when I'm at the top and no one cares who you were. Remember me, because it's over.
I guess you can't accept that I am better than you, so together you all had a crew. Together the crew abused me, but the joke's on you. Yeah, I said the joke's on you. I am more than just a girl, I am more than just this object you tried to create. I was never what you thought I was, or should be. You never saw me as I am. It's over now, and you are no longer here. I am strong and I am surviving. I am fine and you are useless.
It's over and you will never be here, you will never be inside my head again. When he holds me close, do you wish it was you? When I whisper in his ear, do you hear the words in your head? When I am standing tall, do you fall to the ground and wish you could reach me? Do you think that you won? It's over and you lose. It's over and I am still here. It's over and you may have thought you were right, you may have thought you won the test of time. You may think you are better than me, but where are you now? Can you even see? Do you even know?
Can anybody hear me? When I scream in the night, when he picks me up do you wish it was you? Do you have any idea what you did? Do you know what it felt like when you left me there, in that space and time. That place of hell. When it haunts me in my dreams, do you wish it was your arms I was reaching for? I'm no longer a child, I am no longer your child. You lost the game, it's so over.
Do you think you are good? Do you feel proud? Didn't I make you happy on your wedding day, and all you did was give me pain. Do you treat her that way? Yeah it's over and maybe she's also lost because she is stuck with you and these crazy bastards. She deserves better than this.
Do you feel powerful? Do you feel important? You used your influence to kill your own child! The game is up though and in the end you only killed yourself. When he's standing with me and we're running the world do you wish you were there? When he kisses my lips do you wish you could see? Remember when you used to ask me stuff like that? When he holds me close and wipes the tears away do you wish it was you? You fucking bitch, I will never again think of you.
And what of the church? What of this sacred place, a place that is supposed to be a safe haven. Where we touch God? What do you think God thinks of you now. You think you are so mighty, but it's over and God is coming. Do you think he will tolerate how you fucked up the life of one of his own? What gave you the right? Yeah, the game is over and he's coming to collect. When my head is anointed do you wish it was for you?
Yeah it's over and you lose. I win the game, I have the most powerful weapon ever. I have the best laid plans, the best revenge. Judgment is with me, it's mine and you've lost the game. Love, Honor, Cherish, these words mean nothing to you, but they are the lifeblood. They are what wins the war in the end. You love to hate me, you love to rule me, you love to not even know me. You get your wish, I am gone, but remember babies the game is over and you have all lost. In the end you have lost the battle and the war. The songs are playing, and I am lifted high. I am in a better space and I am safe. You will always run and hide. You will always find the wolf knocking at your door and the world so cold. It's over daddy and I'm never coming home. It's over you fucking bitch you made your bed now lie in it. It's over you rat bastard brother of mine...maybe next time you'll think. Last of all you fucking prick, you're the last to know how much you've really lost. Maybe you will never know.
As to the church, they too have lost. It's not my battle, but in the end they will get theirs as well. It's over babies, it is so over and guess where you go? Guess where you belong. When I'm on the yacht and in the maserati, guess where you will be? When I am standing tall and my friends are with me, where will you be? You who left me, you who screwed me, yeah babies it is so over and you have so lost the game. You will be dead on the sidewalk missing me and wondering what I am doing. Yeah it's over, and you are not here so get the fuck out of my head.
Take your memories, take your demons, take your God and get out of my head. Get off my body, and out of my mind and soul. Leave me be, make sure the door doesn't hit you on the way out. Yeah baby, it's over. So over, and you will never again have the status you had. Does it feel good to know where you've gone? Does it feel good to see what you've done. I may be shattered but it's only a winterized state, soon I will be more powerful than ever and where will you be?
Crushed under my heels, oh it's over and you will never again rise up. You've lost the game, and believe me you will never again be around to abuse me. It's over baby so please get out of my way. Let me be and don't try to interfere. You've lost the war now go back to the battle lines.
It's over, it's so over, you have lost and I have won. Always remember that you could have had me, you could have had it all. Remember me when we are ruling the world and you are a bottom feeder, remember what I offered you and you refused. Remember me, when I'm at the top and no one cares who you were. Remember me, because it's over.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Old School Politics
In the old days everything had a protocol and in this sense politics ran the world. This is still largely true, there are protocols for how to love, how to kill, how to work, etc. There are even protocols for war that have been written. I find it really challenging sometimes to keep everything straight. There are protocols for exits and entrances. Last night, one very near and dear to my heart returned. The entrance was a few days in the works and rather strange at best. I always knew he'd return, the fact of the matter is he can't leave me even when he wants to. Perhaps this is what bothers him about us. It is a strange dance but we still have to do it I guess. I keep trying to change the steps, maybe someday I will be able to. He told me I have never been more beautiful than I am now and I can say whatever I need to say. I think that's really very nice. I hope that things will be different now, I spoke to a friend of mine from college today about how I wish things could be different in my life. He's the one who got away so to speak, I don't think he's aware of that and anyway it doesn't matter because this other one that has returned took over many moons ago. There is always something happening in the world that makes me wonder what's going on. This is one of them, things seem to be turning around slightly and I hope they will continue to do so. I am a little bit concerned about the fact that some areas seem to be turning all at the same time. I shouldn't complain though at least they are turning the correct direction.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Everything I need to know about life I learned from M
I met M when I was a child. I forget the precise date, I wish I could forget the incident, but it is forever seared into my memory. It is just one of those things that you can't forget. At that moment a number of things became clear to me, including some of the things that would happen to me in the future.
I was a 10 year old child, I got one of those fancy swimsuits, the style of the day were to have these stupid zippers down the font of them. I thought it was so cool, and I was already a C cup so I pretty well filled it out. I really enjoyed that the suit had these bright colors on it. What can I say, I had a fashion sense even then. Anyway, this was the wrong kind of suit for me as it would turn out. My dad took my brother, myself, and a friend of my brother's swimming at this pool in town. Little did I know that M was there or what events would unfold. I was swimming peacefully in the pool and got up to get out of the pool to go to the bathroom. Unbeknownst to me, but very well noticed by M, my brother's friend had unzipped my suit. There was I was hanging out, full C cup...drenched in the water. I wanted to die. I came up out of the pool and right about the same place that M was.
Feeling this desire to just die on the spot because I knew very well who he was, I couldn't really say anything. He said it all though, he zipped up the suit and said "Remember, it's all mental. The game is ALL in your head and that's true of life as well." He then proceeded to chastize my brother's friend quite severely for the incident. My brother knowing who M was, was very embarrassed. I was for them as well. M then addressed me and said to play hard or go home. I went back to swimming.
I've since been able to follow his athletic career and read various interviews of him and have been able to glean other pearls of wisdom over the years. Everything I needed to know about life I learned from M and a Kenny Rogers song.
I was a 10 year old child, I got one of those fancy swimsuits, the style of the day were to have these stupid zippers down the font of them. I thought it was so cool, and I was already a C cup so I pretty well filled it out. I really enjoyed that the suit had these bright colors on it. What can I say, I had a fashion sense even then. Anyway, this was the wrong kind of suit for me as it would turn out. My dad took my brother, myself, and a friend of my brother's swimming at this pool in town. Little did I know that M was there or what events would unfold. I was swimming peacefully in the pool and got up to get out of the pool to go to the bathroom. Unbeknownst to me, but very well noticed by M, my brother's friend had unzipped my suit. There was I was hanging out, full C cup...drenched in the water. I wanted to die. I came up out of the pool and right about the same place that M was.
Feeling this desire to just die on the spot because I knew very well who he was, I couldn't really say anything. He said it all though, he zipped up the suit and said "Remember, it's all mental. The game is ALL in your head and that's true of life as well." He then proceeded to chastize my brother's friend quite severely for the incident. My brother knowing who M was, was very embarrassed. I was for them as well. M then addressed me and said to play hard or go home. I went back to swimming.
I've since been able to follow his athletic career and read various interviews of him and have been able to glean other pearls of wisdom over the years. Everything I needed to know about life I learned from M and a Kenny Rogers song.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Privilege
I've had to rethink my thoughts on this topic. I would previously had said any idea that there is privilege for one group over another is crazy. However, having had time to think about this I'd have to say that there really is. I look at what's happening in the world, in my world and I notice that people treat people differently based on the way they are judged for the groups they are part of. Some of these groups you can't help but be a part of, like I can't help that I am a woman or that I am white, I can help that I am a protestant though :). I can't help that these bastards did what they did and it will follow me forever. Forever now I will have to say that I went to that place, forever I will have to look at the broken pieces of what could have been, what should have been. However, there is a new day rising and everything will be fine. The biggest issue of course is that I have been labeled many times, negatively by people that have authority and can manage to use the privilege of that authority. It is my sincere hope that everyone will meet a fate acceptable to their crimes.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Violence
I find myself feeling fortunate and unfortunate on this particular topic. I feel fortunate to be a survivor of the violence perpetrated against me, and yet this is also unfortunate. The unfortunate politics behind violence is that the abuser is always right, the abusee is always at fault and wrong. It seems ridiculous but this is what I noticed time and time again in my life as I tried to break the cycle and get free of the violence in my life. This is also true of every relationship I have with those that created the violence against me. The violence was done by people that politically speaking should have taken a different stance, but they went ahead and they did these things anyway. We find the stances on violence varies depending on the political circumstances. Deciding that genocide occurred in Armenia would piss off Turkey and is a bad political move. It's also not the place of congress but I leave that to my little roo to discuss. It is also bad politics to decide to go into Bosnia, which is why it took so long. Rwanda, which is why so many people died, and of course Iraq which is why that is now a quagmire. Politics and violence often go hand in hand, but who is really managing the other? No one seems to know and in the mean time the situation gets worse and worse. I know for my own life I will never be the same again, but what's a girl to do?
Sunday, October 21, 2007
The Politics of Jewishness
This is a strange, and I hope interesting post. Especially if you are a Jewish reader. Over the last two weeks I think I have been asked 40 times "Are you Jewish?" What does that question mean exactly? My initial thought is to say "Yes, through my maternal grandfather" this of course is the wrong answer as to the Jews I am not yet one of them. My second initial thought is to reply "I am who I am, are you Jewish?" and this is also the wrong answer because no one wants to answer the question, my final initial thought is to say "Fuck off" I don't usually give any of these answers. Half the time sensing the pulsating and ripe anti-semitism in the questioners tone I say "Yes I am, is there a problem?" and they usually back way down. Last time I was asked this I said "Why is there a test I need to take?" and the person said they were "Just wanting the information" what makes this question so difficult for me is that I have no doubts that Hitler would have killed me had I been alive for his "final solution". To a lot of people I am Jewish. This is inherently political. Being Jewish carries with it a whole political spectrum I had never before realized. I have loved and been loved greatly by many a Jewish man. I have been pulled out of the fires of hell by others, and yet I never really understood what this question means. "Are you Jewish" this could mean are you ethnically Jewish because you look like a Jew, sometimes it is used to ask if I am a Zionist, other times it is used to ascertain my religious beliefs (in this case I reply that I have no religion). Still other times it seems to be used to ascertain a bigger political picture than if I am a Zionist or not. I don't really care about the Zionists honestly, Israel is alive in the hearts of everyone who loves the people and it will continue to live on long after the enemies have died. Long after Iran is the Jewish Republic of Iran Israel will still be standing and the Iranians will be crying.
My grandfather felt decidedly un-Jewish and so I have been alienated until now to my Jewish heritage. I grew up doing the Chanukah parties and Passover seders with friends of mine, I went to I don't know how many Bar Mitzvahs although I have never been to a bat I understand they are all the same. I have always found Hebrew to be a lullaby to me, and this is still true to this day. As I was put to sleep last week after a rough day by my friend speaking Hebrew. I'm not sure that was his intended result, but perhaps it was since he always complains that I am up way too late to call. Is it my fault there are so many time zones between here and there? Not to mention Jewish time is totally different. I wonder about that too, when I am asked "Are you Jewish?" does it mean I was late? Does it mean I run on my own time zone? I mean I do, I am a New Yorker down to the last bone, and I do run on NY time, and if you don't know what that is I am sorry for you.
This is a very interesting and a very political question at its very core. I have decided to in general answer the question affirmatively. After all I have picked out my Jewish name. I have tried to call my other friend multiple times to apologize and to acknowledge when he told me in 1996 that I have a Jewish soul he knew me better than I knew myself. In many respects I am Jewish. This is a journey home for me, I have started it many a year ago and I hope that soon all these things will be right with the world again. I will be Jewish, my life will be back in order, the world will become a safe place etc.
I have always felt safest with Jewish people, anyone who knows me will know this is the truth. I have never done well in an area without many Jews with which to associate. I carry them with me wherever I go. Anywhere I go if Jewish people are there they will find me, and now I can introduce myself with my new name I guess. Maybe not, I'm not sure entirely how that process works. The truth is I am becoming more and more aware that clearly the answer is yes and I welcome that with all the political fallout that comes.
I think we shall make Jewish republics out of Syria and Iran.
Shavua Tov as abba would say, or good week to those of you not on my remedial level of Hebrew.
My grandfather felt decidedly un-Jewish and so I have been alienated until now to my Jewish heritage. I grew up doing the Chanukah parties and Passover seders with friends of mine, I went to I don't know how many Bar Mitzvahs although I have never been to a bat I understand they are all the same. I have always found Hebrew to be a lullaby to me, and this is still true to this day. As I was put to sleep last week after a rough day by my friend speaking Hebrew. I'm not sure that was his intended result, but perhaps it was since he always complains that I am up way too late to call. Is it my fault there are so many time zones between here and there? Not to mention Jewish time is totally different. I wonder about that too, when I am asked "Are you Jewish?" does it mean I was late? Does it mean I run on my own time zone? I mean I do, I am a New Yorker down to the last bone, and I do run on NY time, and if you don't know what that is I am sorry for you.
This is a very interesting and a very political question at its very core. I have decided to in general answer the question affirmatively. After all I have picked out my Jewish name. I have tried to call my other friend multiple times to apologize and to acknowledge when he told me in 1996 that I have a Jewish soul he knew me better than I knew myself. In many respects I am Jewish. This is a journey home for me, I have started it many a year ago and I hope that soon all these things will be right with the world again. I will be Jewish, my life will be back in order, the world will become a safe place etc.
I have always felt safest with Jewish people, anyone who knows me will know this is the truth. I have never done well in an area without many Jews with which to associate. I carry them with me wherever I go. Anywhere I go if Jewish people are there they will find me, and now I can introduce myself with my new name I guess. Maybe not, I'm not sure entirely how that process works. The truth is I am becoming more and more aware that clearly the answer is yes and I welcome that with all the political fallout that comes.
I think we shall make Jewish republics out of Syria and Iran.
Shavua Tov as abba would say, or good week to those of you not on my remedial level of Hebrew.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Rational Politics
I tried to post on this topic the other day, but apparently it didn't take. I don't remember exactly what my point was in the original post, so please allow me to reintroduce the topic of rational politics. Rational politics came about as an inspired response to something a friend of mine said related to politics being rational, or irrational as the case may be. I responded to this comment by saying that there is nothing rational about politics, politics is extremely emotional and this is the first rule to success within the field. Politics, it is my opinion makes the world go round and if you have been reading my blog you can see why I would say that. Politics is the art of being able to manipulate emotions, not to be able to minimize or eliminate them. I love politics, and politics love me, in fact politics was my first love...my second love knows who he is, my 3rd love threw me out like a used tissue. My 4th love is lurking somewhere no doubt. You get the general idea. Politics also loves my 2nd love, so it is not a jealous creature, in fact both of us have been served well by our mutual love for politics and vice versa. If politics on the other hand, did not love us we would be in some real trouble. Politics that go bad can make all kinds of trouble for a person. Politics governers all areas of life, it keeps everyone in some kind of line, and these lines are not always rational.
One of my Israeli friends for example, the one who inspired this post is getting ready to do IDF duty. Likes to talk about how irrational the military is. The military doesn't get paid to be rational or to think, the military is paid to be the military and in most cases they do it well. This is true of the so-called Black Water incident as well that has people up in arms. Iraq is a combat zone, there are no "civilians" in a combat zone. History teaches us that, because in Viet Nam there were women with baby carriages blowing up the troops. Clearly civilians do not exist in a combat zone and we can't try to rationalize what Black Water should or should not have done. I for one am glad that I am not the one in the combat zone.
Until next time,
Malcot Israel
One of my Israeli friends for example, the one who inspired this post is getting ready to do IDF duty. Likes to talk about how irrational the military is. The military doesn't get paid to be rational or to think, the military is paid to be the military and in most cases they do it well. This is true of the so-called Black Water incident as well that has people up in arms. Iraq is a combat zone, there are no "civilians" in a combat zone. History teaches us that, because in Viet Nam there were women with baby carriages blowing up the troops. Clearly civilians do not exist in a combat zone and we can't try to rationalize what Black Water should or should not have done. I for one am glad that I am not the one in the combat zone.
Until next time,
Malcot Israel
Saturday, October 13, 2007
The Politics of Hatred
What a topic for a Sabbath afternoon isn't it? I was struck by this last night as I've been examining myself and my own issues. I realized there is an entire political genre of hatred in the world and in the country. Watching the early debates and things related to the presidential election here in the US I was struck by the way hatred is invoked. I have also been struck by the way hatred has been invoked in my own personal life.
Globally speaking hatred is used for all sorts of things, it is used to perpetuate violence against my Jewish brothers in the Middle East, and my Arab brothers there as well, it is used to oppress my sisters in Africa, and my sisters in the Middle East and Asia. It is used to oppress children everywhere, and it is used to oppress men everywhere as well. My brothers really need a men's liberation movement whether they want to admit this or not.
What is it about hate that makes it such a powerful political force? I'm not sure, but I've noticed that this is a common occurrence and one that is quite disturbing. This hatred of the other and this desire to make others less than us. I saw a segment on CNN about the diamond mines and how some people stopped wearing diamonds in solidarity with the people, it seems hatred isn't as powerful as people think it is, but it certainly has quite a grip on the political scene.
I would like to challenge all of my readers to examine themselves and the political scene and destroy hatred wherever you find it. Together we really can make a better world.
Globally speaking hatred is used for all sorts of things, it is used to perpetuate violence against my Jewish brothers in the Middle East, and my Arab brothers there as well, it is used to oppress my sisters in Africa, and my sisters in the Middle East and Asia. It is used to oppress children everywhere, and it is used to oppress men everywhere as well. My brothers really need a men's liberation movement whether they want to admit this or not.
What is it about hate that makes it such a powerful political force? I'm not sure, but I've noticed that this is a common occurrence and one that is quite disturbing. This hatred of the other and this desire to make others less than us. I saw a segment on CNN about the diamond mines and how some people stopped wearing diamonds in solidarity with the people, it seems hatred isn't as powerful as people think it is, but it certainly has quite a grip on the political scene.
I would like to challenge all of my readers to examine themselves and the political scene and destroy hatred wherever you find it. Together we really can make a better world.
Monday, October 8, 2007
Politics of the Insider
One of my favorite activities is sitting around watching people in coffee shops. This is because you can learn a lot about people, but also about yourself or the world. People at this particular coffee shop sit around and talk about things, including the woman next to me who asked me how I like my Apple laptop. I had yesterday, a woman ask me why it was so much colder inside than outside and how people freak out about the blue laws here. I'd love to just have an office where I travel from coffee shop to coffee shop, that'd be awesome. I rarely visit this coffee shop because it's expensive and I'm just not into spending money with everything happening, maybe it's my political protest.
I'm trying to find ways to get to places where I can be myself and this is a place of intellectualism, I love it for that reason. This reminds me of some of the coffee shops in New York or Paris, or I've heard J-town or T-A. I can't wait to check out those places. This is also like some of the places in London that people meet and hang out. I guess it's a modern day pub of old.
This raises an interesting concept, last post I was talking about the politics of the outsider. What about the politics of the community? The politics of the insider if you will. This is just as dangerous as the politics of the outsider. I am an outsider, but soon enough that will change when I get my new name and my new life officially starts. At that point I will hopefully become an insider in my own life. What sorts of things will this mean? I'm not quite sure yet.
I imagine my life will be normal someday, and I'll have a dog or maybe two, except with the new breed of dog I want one can't have 2. So a dog, and an established life and everything will return to a sense of peace, calm and normalcy. It will be a political switch for me however, as I have had my eyes opened by this experience.
I'm trying to find ways to get to places where I can be myself and this is a place of intellectualism, I love it for that reason. This reminds me of some of the coffee shops in New York or Paris, or I've heard J-town or T-A. I can't wait to check out those places. This is also like some of the places in London that people meet and hang out. I guess it's a modern day pub of old.
This raises an interesting concept, last post I was talking about the politics of the outsider. What about the politics of the community? The politics of the insider if you will. This is just as dangerous as the politics of the outsider. I am an outsider, but soon enough that will change when I get my new name and my new life officially starts. At that point I will hopefully become an insider in my own life. What sorts of things will this mean? I'm not quite sure yet.
I imagine my life will be normal someday, and I'll have a dog or maybe two, except with the new breed of dog I want one can't have 2. So a dog, and an established life and everything will return to a sense of peace, calm and normalcy. It will be a political switch for me however, as I have had my eyes opened by this experience.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
The Outsiders
Every political system has an outsider. Although, I have somehow become an outsider in my own life. This has been a very strange experience. I feel as if I have been severed from myself, in many ways I suppose I have been. This journey that I am on is really a return to myself in many respects. I was excited to hear from the OU people that they think they have found a community for me. Apparently I am not as alone as I think I am, and I of course wrote my local community since the rabbi there has been very kind to me. I told him I'll send him the email 4 times if he doesn't answer me. I understand tradition is to ignore the first 3 attempts.
I've been an outsider my entire life, which makes this both interesting and uninteresting at the same time. I was born as an outsider, from the beginning I was not what was expected. My parents had been told I was a boy. I can just imagine the shock when they had a girl and 3 weeks early at that. To say nothing of the countless ways I have been a religious outsider and a spiritual outsider.
I was also an outsider I'd imagine as a wife/mother. I am hoping now that in this segment of my life I can finally move from being an outsider, or even a refugee into a different state of being. The book is almost finished, of course our story isn't over so it is difficult to decide how to put an ending to the book. I have a few ideas that I will try out and let abba read it and tell me what he thinks. I'm sure he'll have some comments, I just hope it doesn't completely flip him out considering the nature of the topics and my experiences. He's become my father, but he doesn't yet know everything about me. I know he can take it, but the whole idea of letting someone that close freaks me out. As always I am an outsider when it comes to trust issues.
I am writing my book under my new name. I chose my name with the advice of some others that know me. I find it to be a beautiful name and I am excited about having it. Naturally it's my secret name and if I love you I will tell you what it is, if I don't well...you can't use it either way unless we're in private or with others that know it. I don't want my name being corrupted again by the world.
Those of us outside the system seem to regularly stay outside of the system. It's kind of a frustrating situation. I am OK with being an outsider, but not in my own life. I am trying to find ways to be true to myself and to see myself where I am at and where I want to be. These are the only things that are important, if I am OK with myself everything else is secondary.
I've been an outsider my entire life, which makes this both interesting and uninteresting at the same time. I was born as an outsider, from the beginning I was not what was expected. My parents had been told I was a boy. I can just imagine the shock when they had a girl and 3 weeks early at that. To say nothing of the countless ways I have been a religious outsider and a spiritual outsider.
I was also an outsider I'd imagine as a wife/mother. I am hoping now that in this segment of my life I can finally move from being an outsider, or even a refugee into a different state of being. The book is almost finished, of course our story isn't over so it is difficult to decide how to put an ending to the book. I have a few ideas that I will try out and let abba read it and tell me what he thinks. I'm sure he'll have some comments, I just hope it doesn't completely flip him out considering the nature of the topics and my experiences. He's become my father, but he doesn't yet know everything about me. I know he can take it, but the whole idea of letting someone that close freaks me out. As always I am an outsider when it comes to trust issues.
I am writing my book under my new name. I chose my name with the advice of some others that know me. I find it to be a beautiful name and I am excited about having it. Naturally it's my secret name and if I love you I will tell you what it is, if I don't well...you can't use it either way unless we're in private or with others that know it. I don't want my name being corrupted again by the world.
Those of us outside the system seem to regularly stay outside of the system. It's kind of a frustrating situation. I am OK with being an outsider, but not in my own life. I am trying to find ways to be true to myself and to see myself where I am at and where I want to be. These are the only things that are important, if I am OK with myself everything else is secondary.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Politics of Family
They say in Sicily women are as dangerous as shot guns. That's not really the full truth, the truth of the matter is that it depends on her role and how dangerous she wants to be, in some cases women are more dangerous than shot guns. This of course comes from our common heritage with those in the middle east that swept through and conquered us. It also comes from the traditional roles of women in the family.
The Sicilian family at least when it comes to women is somewhat limited in the roles that are played out. There is the wife, the daughter, the whore, and the darling. It is the darling that I fall into, and thankfully not the others. I'd much rather be the darling than the wife, the whore, or the daughter. Especially given what this particular set of society roles means and leads to. The darling is the best place to be. I realized this yesterday when the tears were flowing down my face and he was carrying on about the women in his life and I said funny you never treat me that way, better the darling than the whore since the whore is disposable. That earned me a smile, a nod, and a yes I told you that years ago. The reality is by playing the darling I purify him from his every day reality, and in many ways he needs me and loves me far more than I will ever need and love him. The beauty of us though is that whereas I love him as if he were my brother and I respect the power he holds in his hands enough not to ask questions (at least not too many and not about certain subjects), he loves me separately from these disposable women that ask too many questions and lose their heads.
In that regard I am afforded protected status so to speak, especially after yesterday's discussion. I have moved into the princessa status, course that is a natural transition given the many years we have known each other and the deference I grant him and vice versa. He denies me nothing, even my questions would be answered (I'd probably even keep my head if they were the wrong questions, but I choose not to enter that world) he always laughs when I refuse to ask things or discuss topics on the grounds that I wish to keep my head.
I broke my cardinal rule with him yesterday. I have tried up until this point to keep my relationship with him separate from other aspects of my life, I have tried to compartmentalize things in my non-protected world from the world I share with him, where I can do no wrong and anyone who crosses me finds himself outside. I have always maintained this difference for my own protection, for his, and just for the order of the universe. I have after all known him, and the way he behaves when it comes to me. I have known how vicious he can be, and how stealthy he can move in the night. He is after all one of my own brethren, we are much more alike than he cares to admit. We are much more alike than I care to admit, after all it is a fine line and I can walk over it just as easily as he can. For all of these reasons and more I have tried to live a different life when I am with him than when I am not with him.
Yesterday however aided by fatigue, illness, and my deep affections for him I broke my own rule. I laid everything at his feet, I wept, I became unglued. It was horrible undignified and I know men who probably would have spanked me for the spectacle as it was rather child like. So many aspects of my life have become child like lately, and the politics of the family have always been very good to me. I have maintained of course that keeping my life separated from him was the reason that the politics of the family were so good to me all these years, but the reality is that I was wrong and I had grossly misjudged him. I have always maintained in his presence that he is not the man that he thinks he is. He does what he must, but it is only because of our heritage that he is this way, he's not evil to the core or any of the things that he has confessed to me that he believes himself to be.
I have dutifully taken care of him in these moments, I have done my best to hold his hand (I am so good one wouldn't even realize how far away we are) through all sorts of terrible ordeals, without knowing the true nature of the situation (remember I like breathing so I don't ask). I have dutifully told him that it was the correct course of action whatever he had decided to do and that things would improve. I have wept with him, attempted to wipe the tears (even from this distance). I have made him who he is and I have fashioned out who he will be. This is after all my role as his darling. It is part of my responsibility as his darling to do these things and I've always taken this seriously. Even before I knew the full extent of who he is.
What I didn't realize is as his darling he has certain responsibilities to me, and I was so busy fulfilling mine to him that I neglected to consider the idea that he takes his to me just as seriously (if not more). It had never occurred to me that there were responsibilities to the darling. I had always felt that being the darling meant I was outside of his world and that I would never be in his space. He would come and go from mine as it were and we would talk, laugh, and leave things at that. Since I don't play the whore I don't have to worry about sexual issues or anything of that nature. I always felt a sense of relief about this, I had more control over the topics because I could choose to say I don't want to know about this or that. He would laugh and just change the subject.
Yesterday though, everything changed. I have never been able to refuse him anything, it is just part of the deference I grant him. I feel it's rude not to answer his questions, or to leave things at a distance where it comes to my world if he asks to be let in. I find this to be disconcerting of course but after all we are friends and I have consented to being the darling and as such I am the only non-disposable woman in his life. I love that status, and so I try not to push the envelope. So I was unglued and melting down and I could almost feel his hand on my cheek, lifting my face up to meet his when he asked me what happened. All I could do was continue to have my meltdown and explain it to him as best I could. I could tell he was less than thrilled, but he loves me what more was there to say? I could almost see him in the chair putting out his cigarette and sitting back slightly. I'm guessing a grin came to his face as he replied with, it'll all be OK I will take care of you and connect you. Destiny reached out and touched me yesterday, it is interesting as I am still outside the world in an innocent state and yet deeply connected to it now.
I have no doubts that things will stay the same, but I have no doubt that things are now entirely different between us. I have let him into the parts of myself that I didn't even know existed, the child side, the non-child side, the princess, the brat, all of me. He has now universally accepted me and this should make things interesting in the months and years to come. The beauty of it is that because I am the darling I can never be the whore, or anything else. I will remain here in this post for eternity.
The Sicilian family at least when it comes to women is somewhat limited in the roles that are played out. There is the wife, the daughter, the whore, and the darling. It is the darling that I fall into, and thankfully not the others. I'd much rather be the darling than the wife, the whore, or the daughter. Especially given what this particular set of society roles means and leads to. The darling is the best place to be. I realized this yesterday when the tears were flowing down my face and he was carrying on about the women in his life and I said funny you never treat me that way, better the darling than the whore since the whore is disposable. That earned me a smile, a nod, and a yes I told you that years ago. The reality is by playing the darling I purify him from his every day reality, and in many ways he needs me and loves me far more than I will ever need and love him. The beauty of us though is that whereas I love him as if he were my brother and I respect the power he holds in his hands enough not to ask questions (at least not too many and not about certain subjects), he loves me separately from these disposable women that ask too many questions and lose their heads.
In that regard I am afforded protected status so to speak, especially after yesterday's discussion. I have moved into the princessa status, course that is a natural transition given the many years we have known each other and the deference I grant him and vice versa. He denies me nothing, even my questions would be answered (I'd probably even keep my head if they were the wrong questions, but I choose not to enter that world) he always laughs when I refuse to ask things or discuss topics on the grounds that I wish to keep my head.
I broke my cardinal rule with him yesterday. I have tried up until this point to keep my relationship with him separate from other aspects of my life, I have tried to compartmentalize things in my non-protected world from the world I share with him, where I can do no wrong and anyone who crosses me finds himself outside. I have always maintained this difference for my own protection, for his, and just for the order of the universe. I have after all known him, and the way he behaves when it comes to me. I have known how vicious he can be, and how stealthy he can move in the night. He is after all one of my own brethren, we are much more alike than he cares to admit. We are much more alike than I care to admit, after all it is a fine line and I can walk over it just as easily as he can. For all of these reasons and more I have tried to live a different life when I am with him than when I am not with him.
Yesterday however aided by fatigue, illness, and my deep affections for him I broke my own rule. I laid everything at his feet, I wept, I became unglued. It was horrible undignified and I know men who probably would have spanked me for the spectacle as it was rather child like. So many aspects of my life have become child like lately, and the politics of the family have always been very good to me. I have maintained of course that keeping my life separated from him was the reason that the politics of the family were so good to me all these years, but the reality is that I was wrong and I had grossly misjudged him. I have always maintained in his presence that he is not the man that he thinks he is. He does what he must, but it is only because of our heritage that he is this way, he's not evil to the core or any of the things that he has confessed to me that he believes himself to be.
I have dutifully taken care of him in these moments, I have done my best to hold his hand (I am so good one wouldn't even realize how far away we are) through all sorts of terrible ordeals, without knowing the true nature of the situation (remember I like breathing so I don't ask). I have dutifully told him that it was the correct course of action whatever he had decided to do and that things would improve. I have wept with him, attempted to wipe the tears (even from this distance). I have made him who he is and I have fashioned out who he will be. This is after all my role as his darling. It is part of my responsibility as his darling to do these things and I've always taken this seriously. Even before I knew the full extent of who he is.
What I didn't realize is as his darling he has certain responsibilities to me, and I was so busy fulfilling mine to him that I neglected to consider the idea that he takes his to me just as seriously (if not more). It had never occurred to me that there were responsibilities to the darling. I had always felt that being the darling meant I was outside of his world and that I would never be in his space. He would come and go from mine as it were and we would talk, laugh, and leave things at that. Since I don't play the whore I don't have to worry about sexual issues or anything of that nature. I always felt a sense of relief about this, I had more control over the topics because I could choose to say I don't want to know about this or that. He would laugh and just change the subject.
Yesterday though, everything changed. I have never been able to refuse him anything, it is just part of the deference I grant him. I feel it's rude not to answer his questions, or to leave things at a distance where it comes to my world if he asks to be let in. I find this to be disconcerting of course but after all we are friends and I have consented to being the darling and as such I am the only non-disposable woman in his life. I love that status, and so I try not to push the envelope. So I was unglued and melting down and I could almost feel his hand on my cheek, lifting my face up to meet his when he asked me what happened. All I could do was continue to have my meltdown and explain it to him as best I could. I could tell he was less than thrilled, but he loves me what more was there to say? I could almost see him in the chair putting out his cigarette and sitting back slightly. I'm guessing a grin came to his face as he replied with, it'll all be OK I will take care of you and connect you. Destiny reached out and touched me yesterday, it is interesting as I am still outside the world in an innocent state and yet deeply connected to it now.
I have no doubts that things will stay the same, but I have no doubt that things are now entirely different between us. I have let him into the parts of myself that I didn't even know existed, the child side, the non-child side, the princess, the brat, all of me. He has now universally accepted me and this should make things interesting in the months and years to come. The beauty of it is that because I am the darling I can never be the whore, or anything else. I will remain here in this post for eternity.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
My dear friend in the valley and shadows around here has given me a beautiful welcome letter. I love that, almost as much as I love my new life that is blossoming. My newly found abba tells me that I am turning into a new person and I have to agree. It is largely his influence though, like my beloved he carries me when I can't walk and gives me guidance when I can't find my own voice. He's currently observing yom tov I believe or some such tradition. I am sure that I will hear from him shortly. My beloved has also been out of touch, but I am guessing that has to do with either work constraints or his children, seeing as he's not a religious man (much to my dismay, but perhaps he will change his ways).
My friend in Jerusalem gave me some information today on a conversion program, of course it requires that one be involved with a Jewish community for a year or more before one is accepted. I wonder how I will be able to pull that off seeing as there are no Jewish communities here and I am alone in no man's land. I'll have to ask abba what he thinks about that, I'm sure he'll have some advice. I did email the program and asked them about it as well.
The conservative rabbi here wants to meet with me, and a friend of mine suggested that I become a Reform rabbi...honestly neither appeals. Why do anything half way, and besides the only universally accepted conversions are Orthodox. I suppose I can still move under right of return since that has yet to be destroyed, but sooner or later that too will pass and anyway I can't prove my heritage.
This is a long journey home I am afraid, but I have assurances from everyone abroad that this will work itself out. So, as soon as the quagmire clears I will be safe in the arms of those that would always be there even to the deepest depths of hell. I was chatting with an Israeli friend of mine today who asked when I am moving, he wants to go clubbing. I told him that we will have to make arrangements for that, we're supposed to chat in an hour I think, but who knows if he will be around.
Until next time, my ethical dilema is keeping me awake, and I have yet to sort it out. Perhaps the time for wandering the desert is over and things can move forward. At least I know that I am not alone and I will always be loved.
My friend in Jerusalem gave me some information today on a conversion program, of course it requires that one be involved with a Jewish community for a year or more before one is accepted. I wonder how I will be able to pull that off seeing as there are no Jewish communities here and I am alone in no man's land. I'll have to ask abba what he thinks about that, I'm sure he'll have some advice. I did email the program and asked them about it as well.
The conservative rabbi here wants to meet with me, and a friend of mine suggested that I become a Reform rabbi...honestly neither appeals. Why do anything half way, and besides the only universally accepted conversions are Orthodox. I suppose I can still move under right of return since that has yet to be destroyed, but sooner or later that too will pass and anyway I can't prove my heritage.
This is a long journey home I am afraid, but I have assurances from everyone abroad that this will work itself out. So, as soon as the quagmire clears I will be safe in the arms of those that would always be there even to the deepest depths of hell. I was chatting with an Israeli friend of mine today who asked when I am moving, he wants to go clubbing. I told him that we will have to make arrangements for that, we're supposed to chat in an hour I think, but who knows if he will be around.
Until next time, my ethical dilema is keeping me awake, and I have yet to sort it out. Perhaps the time for wandering the desert is over and things can move forward. At least I know that I am not alone and I will always be loved.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Politics of Peace
As we start a new year, I've had many prosperous things already start to happen to me. I will be away, and probably blogging for training the next few days. I will also be very busy getting accustomed to the tasks required for my new job. That will take a while no doubt, I also got accepted into a school I was looking at examining going to. Where there is death, destruction, and war all over my life right now, there is also a sense of peace. There is a deep sense of peace that is coming over the waters. This brings up an interesting point.
What is peace, how does one get there, and politically speaking what are the ramifications of peace? We are all aware of the political ramifications of patriarchy, I've been ravaged by it recently and perhaps at some point I will discuss that under the topic of sexual politics, but who talks about the politics of peace? I mean really talks about it.
Peace is not just an absence of war, or conflict, or insert some other stupid stuff here. Peace is a state of being, a state of justice, a way of operating that promotes the ways of the world that are positives and helps the world or the peaceful populations along. It is a state of blessing, it is not merely a day without a battle. So many people think that peace is just the absence of a conflict.
We should attempt to bring peace into the world at every opportunity. In doing this we will allow for the world to be a better place, for us to be better people, and for the Kingdom to arrive. It is only through random acts of kindness that the Spirit lives on. If we want to see the return of the people to God and of God to the people, then we must invite God back into the world. Peace after all comes from and returns to God, but it requires us to think a little harder.
The political ramifications of this of course would be that the government could spend more time focusing on things other than defense, the G8 for example could make some real progress on other humanitarian fronts. Drug companies could actually make drugs that help people and get them to the people that need them, without worrying about warlords, and in fact the warlords would be welcoming of the drugs and help hand them out. This is the ramification of putting peace into the universe.
Peace is an interesting political animal, I don't think we've ever seen it enforced, and we may never see it. Who knows what will happen in this new year. May it be peaceful and prosperous for all of us. I have a feeling this is a big year for me.
What is peace, how does one get there, and politically speaking what are the ramifications of peace? We are all aware of the political ramifications of patriarchy, I've been ravaged by it recently and perhaps at some point I will discuss that under the topic of sexual politics, but who talks about the politics of peace? I mean really talks about it.
Peace is not just an absence of war, or conflict, or insert some other stupid stuff here. Peace is a state of being, a state of justice, a way of operating that promotes the ways of the world that are positives and helps the world or the peaceful populations along. It is a state of blessing, it is not merely a day without a battle. So many people think that peace is just the absence of a conflict.
We should attempt to bring peace into the world at every opportunity. In doing this we will allow for the world to be a better place, for us to be better people, and for the Kingdom to arrive. It is only through random acts of kindness that the Spirit lives on. If we want to see the return of the people to God and of God to the people, then we must invite God back into the world. Peace after all comes from and returns to God, but it requires us to think a little harder.
The political ramifications of this of course would be that the government could spend more time focusing on things other than defense, the G8 for example could make some real progress on other humanitarian fronts. Drug companies could actually make drugs that help people and get them to the people that need them, without worrying about warlords, and in fact the warlords would be welcoming of the drugs and help hand them out. This is the ramification of putting peace into the universe.
Peace is an interesting political animal, I don't think we've ever seen it enforced, and we may never see it. Who knows what will happen in this new year. May it be peaceful and prosperous for all of us. I have a feeling this is a big year for me.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Economic Politics
This is something that has an interesting phenomenon to it. Have you read the NY Times this week? It is filled with Econ related articles. From Pakistan training European terrorists, to the pain killers being banned in Sierra Leone. This is in fact what I'd like to comment on.
I think it is horrible that the rest of the world doesn't get to have the same resources we do here. For all the problems our society has, we can at least get the medications we need. I felt so bad for the people in that article. Health Care is a basic human right and as such we should either demote ourselves to their level or raise them up to ours. My vote is raise them up to ours. We need to actually sit down and come up with a solution to this, because right now those with the money get all the care. This is a fundamental problem and contributes to the rise of terrorism. See people don't think these things are related to each other, but they are. Life doesn't happen in isolation.
I think it is horrible that the rest of the world doesn't get to have the same resources we do here. For all the problems our society has, we can at least get the medications we need. I felt so bad for the people in that article. Health Care is a basic human right and as such we should either demote ourselves to their level or raise them up to ours. My vote is raise them up to ours. We need to actually sit down and come up with a solution to this, because right now those with the money get all the care. This is a fundamental problem and contributes to the rise of terrorism. See people don't think these things are related to each other, but they are. Life doesn't happen in isolation.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Politics in the US
OK Politics in the US right now is of course focused on the election coming up NEXT YEAR. LATE next year at that rate. There's this massive move to move everything up though, I think this is stupid and I prefer the primary schedule as it had been previously. I also find the number of candidates to be incredibly annoying. There are so many candidates where is one to actually find ONE that is decent? Well, I have a friend running for president, she strikes me as more capable than any of these candidates, but if you must vote for one of the parties I'd say either Bill Richardson or Fred Thompson.
Bill Richardson seems to be the only democrat with the experience and knowledge to be president. He also seems to be the only one staying on message, not getting into character debates or other mudslinging, and he seems to be the only one who has priorities that are inline with what I think we should have.
Fred Thompson is running as a so-called Log Cabin president. History has shown that voters like this. He looks very presidential and he is running on a small-town southern sort of American platform, or so his announcement seemed to indicate. It seems to me that he will be giving everyone a run for their money on the Republican side.
I'm not wanting to get any deeper into this today and I've found some other articles that I want to talk about next time, so we'll see what's happening in the world then.
Bill Richardson seems to be the only democrat with the experience and knowledge to be president. He also seems to be the only one staying on message, not getting into character debates or other mudslinging, and he seems to be the only one who has priorities that are inline with what I think we should have.
Fred Thompson is running as a so-called Log Cabin president. History has shown that voters like this. He looks very presidential and he is running on a small-town southern sort of American platform, or so his announcement seemed to indicate. It seems to me that he will be giving everyone a run for their money on the Republican side.
I'm not wanting to get any deeper into this today and I've found some other articles that I want to talk about next time, so we'll see what's happening in the world then.
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Politics as usual?
If you read my old blog. I promised that this blog would have some political musings and that is true it certainly will have political musings as they come to me from wherever they come to. So this is the first political muse. The thing about politics is that they are in everything, honestly politics makes the world go round and nothing else is as powerful an influence. There are economic politics, sexual politics, religious politics, office politics, etc. We can't escape politics in any manner upon which we walk on the planet.
Politics of games how about that one? Have you ever noticed that on the chess board the most important piece is the queen? The king is almost like a pawn in what that piece can and can't do, but the queen is free to basically go anywhere on the board and loss of the queen usually results in loss of the game. This is an interesting commentary, since my experience as a woman is almost indeed the opposite of this.
My experience is that the politics of the game are closer to the way reality is and the truth if you will of what is happening on a broader level. I mean it is said that the man is head of the household, but that the woman is the neck and can turn him anyway she pleases. There's some truth to that, or at least there should be. However, this has really only come to my understanding since the ending of my marriage.
Oh, and there's another political arena, not just sexual politics, but the politics of marriage. I have never seen such a political state as that of marriage and for that matter divorce. What a strange combination of things that are put into play.
So I ask, politics as usual not as a commentary on politics in the political arena, but as a commentary on politics in the state of our every day lives. I think my next post will be on US politics, and then I'll move on to some other political topics that may be of interest. Including a project I am now working on with a friend of mine who works in international development.
Politics of games how about that one? Have you ever noticed that on the chess board the most important piece is the queen? The king is almost like a pawn in what that piece can and can't do, but the queen is free to basically go anywhere on the board and loss of the queen usually results in loss of the game. This is an interesting commentary, since my experience as a woman is almost indeed the opposite of this.
My experience is that the politics of the game are closer to the way reality is and the truth if you will of what is happening on a broader level. I mean it is said that the man is head of the household, but that the woman is the neck and can turn him anyway she pleases. There's some truth to that, or at least there should be. However, this has really only come to my understanding since the ending of my marriage.
Oh, and there's another political arena, not just sexual politics, but the politics of marriage. I have never seen such a political state as that of marriage and for that matter divorce. What a strange combination of things that are put into play.
So I ask, politics as usual not as a commentary on politics in the political arena, but as a commentary on politics in the state of our every day lives. I think my next post will be on US politics, and then I'll move on to some other political topics that may be of interest. Including a project I am now working on with a friend of mine who works in international development.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Friday, August 24, 2007
Alechiem
Everyone, welcome to my new home in the blogosphere. It's been a long time coming I suppose. We all need a place to be. I hope you will enjoy whatever musings I decide to post here. Until I decide to post again.
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