OK, I am making an attempt to condense this series of commentaries into a smaller group, because there are other topics I want to talk about, like the funk I am in right now. So here is my attempt at pairing this down. It may take another post, I am not sure.

9. What motivated you to want to convert?

This sort of goes along with the why do you want to convert and as such isn't rude by itself. Usually when I find this rude it has to do with the context that it has been brought up in. I also get sick and tired of discussing my motivations. I don't feel that I should have to explain my story over and over and over again. I mean I can understand why it is interesting to someone, but at the same time it tends to annoy me.

10. What are the best fast food restaurants?

This annoys me because there is so much more to life than fast food restaurants.

11. What does pork taste like?

How does one really explain this to anyone? I mean pork tastes like pork, and frankly I think it tastes disgusting...ask my better half I have never been a fan of pork.

12. What do you mean you DON'T want to get married?

Wow, why does my life need to be approved by other people? This question is always rude to me, I don't feel the need to get married again, and in fact in Judaism it is the men that are required to get married and have babies, and the women do them a favor by facilitating this. Since I can't have babies what is the point really in my getting married? I know that in this society there are hardly any single women, but really give me a break.

13. You know that you will never be a REAL Jew right?

I am not sure anyone knows what a REAL Jew is...this seems to be the million dollar question!

14. No one will ever accept you, so just be aware you will never be a real member of the community.

I know my friend that said this to me was just trying to warn me, but it strikes me as strange that I wouldn't ever be accepted. No one seems to think I am anything but Jewish.

15. Why are you even asking that question no one knows the answer and no one cares.

I think people should know the answers to my questions and should care. When I ask questions that are thought provoking, there's only few people I ask questions to because most of the time that I ask questions I get told that these things aren't of importance, but you see they are of importance.

16. Why did you grandfather marry out, what does he think about you converting? (he died in 1991 I doubt he thinks anything, and he wouldn't approve anyway).

All these family questions become rude after a while. I mean why should I live my life based on what other people say/think?

17. What does your family say about this?

See above.

18. What will Jesus say about this? (Welcome home my child, after all he was an Orthodox Jew and it's just one Jew to another right?)

This is rude on so many levels it is comical to me to even think about...and I've said all I can say about it in the parentheses next to it. I mean, what difference does it really make? What would Jesus say about what His church did to me anyway? Someone explain that one!

19. I am not ready for you to make this change.

I never know how to take this one. Why should I worry about someone being ready for me to make a change or not? I mean I need to make good decisions for me, not for someone else.

20. Why would you want to be Jewish we are one of the most hated people in the world?

Maybe this is exactly why I want to become Jewish? Because of 20 and 21...Maybe it is because of the history of the Jewish people that I feel I fit in with, or maybe it is because I find refuge in realizing I am not the only one to have been abused by society? Who better to understand persecution and suffering than the Jewish people....being the most hated is sometimes a good thing.

21. You do realize people are always trying to kill or otherwise persecute the Jews right?

This is rude because it annoys me. Throughout history lots of people have been persecuted and killed for lots of different tribal affiliations, or religious reasons. I find this sort of chafes me a little bit, but I say see above.

22. You're pronouncing everything wrong and going about this all wrong!

This is particularly rude to me when it is said by a non-Jew, at least a Jew I don't mind the correction from. I do hate being told I am going about things the wrong way.

23. You were attending a Chassidic synagogue why?

23 and 24 go together in my rude comments because they are both about Chassids. I hate being challenged about the fact that I was going to a Chassidic synagogue. I needed a place to be, I needed the freedom to be me, and I needed a new family and I found that in the Chassidic community, so what is the big deal? Why is it such a problem that I went to a Chassidic synagogue? They're not freaks or anything, in fact they are very loving people, in my case anyway.

24. Don't you know the Chassids are mean and nasty people?

This comment is evidently made by people that didn't meet the Chassids I have met. I don't understand this comment, but I find it rude because it is insulting to my new family that I forged for myself, and it is patently false in my own experience.

25. Why don't you move to a community that has more converts you'd have more friends and feel more at home there.

These two, 25 and 26 are rude because it is other people making decisions about where I'd feel comfortable and at home. I feel that I am the only one who can make that determination for myself.

26. You want to become Orthodox, I think you'd be more comfortable as Reform or Conservative like I am. (interesting how would someone else be qualified to make that judgment).

See above.

27. You go to Sephardi services, you realize they beat their wives every day and they don't accept converts or even Jews that aren't Sephardi right?

I don't think it is nice to make these kinds of comments about a group in general. Even if they don't accept converts they have a beautiful service and were friendlier to me than the Ashkenazim here.

28. What does your father think about this, I mean he is a pastor isn't he upset?

See # 16.

29. How does your mother feel about you converting?

See #16.

30. Are you related to so-n-so? (No, I have no idea who those people are stop asking me, by the way are you related to....the bingo playing must stop..no Dutch bingo and no Jewish Bingo thank you...this is a BINGO free zone).

I hate game playing, what is the need to relate everyone to someone else?

31. I know the perfect guy for you....

Let me guess he'll beat me every day or worse?

32. Does your future second husband wear a black hat and peyos?

I didn't think there was a second husband coming in the horizon.

33. You know your husband will only have sex with you through a hole in the sheet.

Evidently people think I will be marrying a Satmar, I hear they use a hole in the sheet but evidently no one else does.

34. What do you mean you won't touch your husband in public and he won't touch you?

Since I don't menstruate anymore, I am not sure how this work...but non-Jews seem to not understand the lack of touching.

35. You mean you won't hug your father, brother, cousins, uncles etc?

Yes, I hate being touched, and I don't want people in my personal space.

36. What do you mean you won't be eating in my house anymore?

This is said by non-Jews who don't understand. It makes me feel bad because it makes me feel like I am making them feel bad.

37. You know if you can't eat in my house there will be no point in having you over.

Why not just let me bring my own food...or food for all of us? What a strange concept that there's no point in having me over :(

38. You know my rabbi told me such and such, so you will have to do all these things too.

Ask for an opinion you'll get at least 5. Just because there was one standard doesn't mean there is always a standard.

39. You know you will have to cover your hair if you become Orthodox.

First of all this makes me laugh because this is said as if all Orthodox women cover their hair, and only married women do this and even then not all married women do because it is not a cut and dry issue. I am never sure what someone means by saying this. It seems to me to be patently ridiculous.

40. I think you should reconsider my experience and use it more as a guide for what yours will be. (Right because we are all robots)

Judaism is like a chocolate cake, every layer is deeper and better. I said this to my rabbi in Michigan once and he loved it. I find it kind of amusing that someone would think that their experience could guide me. Is it true that everyone looks at Judaism the way I do? I am like a big kid. If that's the case than sure bring on your experience, if not leave it at the door!

41. You know Judaism doesn't encourage converts.

This seems to imply that I don't know how to do research.

42. Well I think that is a dangerous statement, but coming from you it is probably true.

This is from the same rabbi who asked me all about my praying and Abraham. I personally think saying anything is a dangerous statement unless it IS a dangerous statement is ridiculous. My claiming my heritage is not dangerous to anyone, last time I checked.