Spring is a time of renewal, and new beginnings, or so they say. I can't believe it is already April. This April marks a year in my journey to a divorce, or as a friend of mine says, "Let's call it rectifying a mistake" this also marks a time that I began keeping this blog, although I admit I have been really poor at keeping up with the posts on it. This is in part due to my inability to find topics of interest, but also because of my lack of interest in a number of things that I used to find fascinating. Blogging being one of those things, additionally if I leave a loose trail I don't have to worry about the assholes in the world causing me additional pain and suffering. This year has been a very painful one, a very difficult one, and there as of yet is no end in sight.

As I think about the things I need to say and do to carry my dearly beloved friend through his own crisis, I am reminded of the things I need to say and do for myself. This is partly because of how similar we are, but it is also because we find ourselves disturbed by similar issues, the difference is of course that he has much more support for what he is going through than I do. He also has me, and I am particularly good at figuring out what he needs and giving it to him. Sometimes I jokingly say he is my other half, in many ways this is a joke and in other ways I am deadly serious when I say it.

This spring I am hoping for a time of renewal for my own spirit and my own life. I will be planning my relocation, my trip home, and most importantly forging a new identity for myself. This new identity will keep me safe, secure, and will carry with it all the affections that I have for myself, and for my family. My new family, the family that has gotten me through a very challenging time period. Many people are in this family, but very few can I be connected to in a tangible way. Everyone is of course equally important, and a variety of things will impact whom I am connected to and how this will play out.

In a couple weeks I will post a follow up, and God willing a post script to the drama that has been going on. I might even explain in more depth why I changed my blog and stuff like that. I hope and pray that I will be OK soon, and until then I will find my home in the 23rd psalm.

May you find what brings peace to you. I find that today has been a much more peaceful day than yesterday, even with its history. I'm a little bit tired of the hypocracy of all the candidates related to MLK's assassination, but it is what it is. Like the person said at McCain's speech, we all make mistakes.

Blessings to all of you, as you go along your journey. I will do another post as soon as I find something to say or in a couple weeks, whichever comes up first.

Malka