Several months ago a recruiter I was working with contacted me regarding a possible interview with Bear Stearns. I thought this was a fantastic opportunity and contacted another firm I have been working with and asked them to please get whatever information they could find regarding Bear and Stearns. To my shock and horror, I discovered that something like 55% of the assets for this company are held in Saudi Arabia. Amalek! If you don't understand the significance of Amalek you might want to look it up. I was going to give the precise numbers, but I am having trouble with my email box right now. I have to ask though WHY are we bailing out a company owned by the Saudis? We know that Saudi Arabia funds terrorism and we give them a bunch of money anyway, so WHY give them more money? I am uncomfortable with the idea of my tax dollars going to bail out a company owned by a terrorist state. I understand the economic implications, but damn it...WTF is going on here? Amalek is not supposed to be bailed out...it is supposed to be wiped off the map. May Amalek die soon.

Please answer on your Blog. Choose five to pass this Meme forward. Ready, steady, go!

1) President George W. Bush or President William Clinton? You must answer 1a and 1b.
George W. Bush

1a) Give 3 issues why you support your guy:

1. Hold positions that are closer to my personal views than Clinton did, like he recognizes NAFTA for the fuck up it is.
   
2. Strong foreign policy, right or wrong he stands up for what he believes.
3. He's pretty entertaining when he gives a speech.
   

1b) Now name 3 things good about the other guy.

1. He'll help Hillary not to get elected as much as tries to help her win.
2. He's no longer in office.
3. He kept us entertained with his scandals.
   

2) Favorite Sci-fi movie?
Somewhere in Time

3) Favorite Sci-fi TV show?
Highlander

4) Favorite Alternate History story (movie, TV or book)?
I don't think I've read any of these kinds of stories.

5) Best American Legislator? (if overseas, your local Legislators)
Alive or dead?

6) Best Foreign Legislator? (if overseas, this is where you can choose American legislators)
I choose Rabin. What a loss that was...Lebed also a loss, and Vladimir Putin :)

7) Favorite Sci-fi scene? (Youtube it if you can)



Actually it's from Forever Knight, which I also loved to watch.

8) Pitch a cross-over between two sci-fi shows/movies/etc.:
McCloud turns into a vampire cop.

9) Who will win the Democratic Presidential Primary? Why?
Senator Obama. He has the general votes. The delegates from Florida and Michigan will most likely be recast for him and he will need to win the primary or people will get angry. Funny that Clinton is already talking about having him as her VP. How ridiculous he has the delegates!

10) Will Gordon Brown call an election before 2010?
No.

11) Favorite Steampunk, Cyberpunk or Post-Cyberpunk novel, comic, book or movie?
I'm going to go with Clockwork Orange here although it scared me half to death. I think it classes as one of these.

12) Best Pizza place? Please provide the link.
I don't really have a link for the best pizza place. I haven't had pizza in a year.

War, Peace, and Everything in between...

Alright, I've been suffering my own case of writers block, but a new post has been requested and I see it has been almost 3 months since my last post. I can't believe it has been almost that long. So much has been going on, and yet I've had nothing to say. So here's my poor attempt at coming out of my writer's block.

War:
We are fast approaching the festival of Purim. Purim is a celebration honoring Queen Esther and her saving the Jews of Persia from extermination. I've said it before and I'll say it again, the Iranians have always tried to kill us and yet we are still here and we are more successful than they are. Maybe they should focus their energy on trying to emulate us instead of genocide and then they'd have a nicer country. Iran still has 20,000 Jews living there and they take care of Esther's grave. I find that to be somewhat Ironic. They are still trying to kill us, yet they care for the grave of the woman who stopped them all those years ago.

I have never seen Purim celebrated and I was hoping to have been in Israel for it, however due to circumstances beyond my control I find myself still in the US and in a state of panic for it. My new goal is to be in Israel for Pessach.

This isn't the end of the world as I will find myself visiting my new family at the synagogue for Purim, assuming they have the invitations printed for the party. I am looking forward to the fact that it recognizes the waste the war would have been, and it leads to a peace. I also think it is cool that the story is so beautiful. It has everything a good story does. I sometimes feel like Haman is coming after me so I particularly enjoy this story at this time, with Haman getting his ass kicked. I made some Hamantaschen they came out spectacularly. Untraditionally but that's OK, I'm not a Jew yet so I don't have to be so strict.

Peace:
Pessach is another one of these sort of war and peace holidays. There is a different sense of war of course because of the Egyptians, but they even go after the Israelites with an army so that still has a military component. My abba tells me that Mitzryiam has two forms of oppression physical and spiritual.

Unlike Purim, I have seen Pessach celebrated numerous times. I love it, it is by far my favorite holiday. I have a special connection to it this year given the events of my life. There is something really peaceful and beautiful about reading this story and looking at how awesome God really is. God really does do wonderous things, and it is sometimes really amazing to watch this process.

It's been a very trying exodus for me, but I have found my constant companion to be God, and that also some angelic presences were sent to help me with this process in the form of some really good friends. Some I had before, some I met during, all that I will keep after. I have also been blessed with some new family along the road. I am grateful for that, it has kept me from going under many times.

Family is so important, and I find myself having to reconstruct so much. I'm sure it was that way for a lot of people in the desert and in other historical time periods. I know I am sick of wandering the desert, but I am hoping that this time period in the wilderness will be ending shortly. In the meantime I am grateful to those that have so kindly tolerated the ups, downs, and other assorted directions that the roller coaster ride has moved in over the past year. It has been very helpful to me that I have been able to count on some people to not be problematic.

I have a few other wars now that I am trying to find peace through, I know peace can sometimes only be found on the other side of war and so I hope that the war can end soon. It is ironic I was born in Adar which means fire.

Everything in between:
Not much to report on this end of things. My dear friend has gotten back into contact with me, this makes me feel a little more secure. I feel extremely insecure and so it makes me feel better to think that I am important enough to have contact again.

I am panicking about the economic situation I find myself in as well as the spiritual and emotional ones. I am sure that this will pass eventually and I pray that it will be ending very soon.

Traitors

The roots of the traitorous conspiracy came to light last night. When I was a little girl, my dad had a picture of Elizabeth I above my bed and some other Elizabethan things. So in the spirit of Elizabeth, may their heads all find comfortable pikes to rest upon. I can now openly out these traitors as the court dealings have closed themselves off. I am debating whether or not I will openly name these traitors for what they are or if I will let them remain in darkness as they are very dark and deserve to remain within their own evil beings.

Traitors have a long standing political presence and must always be dealt with swiftly and severely, for if this is not the case then things will become a greater problem for the world. One must purge traitors from the ranks or face the consequences, so I have purged ALL of these traitors from my life.

Happy New Year to me, may I have peace in my life and may I have people in my life that will not be traitors always.

Who killed Benazir Bhuto?

Patriarchy of course killed her. Were she a male politician would she have been allowed to walk around with no security? I highly doubt Musharref walks around without security. It is interesting to note that Al Qaeda claims responsibility...an organization that would like to all but eliminate women from the earth and certainly from political situations. Not only that but men with power like Bush and Musharref sat there and just let her continue to have threats against her.

It's interesting that this follows my post on women. It is very sad that Bhuto was killed, but if this country and its allies were serious about being for democracy and human rights this tragedy could have been avoided. The truth is women in positions of power are threatening and so rather than aid the woman, we all let her down.

I for one feel very badly that these events were allowed to happen and I will have to consider some thoughts as to what will be the future of Pakistan and the region in the wake of this. However, women's issues have been set WAY back by this event.

The Women

Wow, has it really been over a month since my last post? It seems so strange that it has been so long. The politics of sex have always been a strange topic, and especially when examining Biblical society, but it is still true in modern society. Some have asked me to write commentaries on Dinah, Ruth, Deborah, and Esther and perhaps I will find the time to write about these women in addition to Tamar's commentary in the previous post. Each of these women has a story to tell after all with love, tragedy, humor, and other assorted qualities of a good story. However, this is not that sort of post.

My topic this time is the politics of the women. The women in general, what does it mean to be a woman? This varies from places like Saudi Arabia where women don't really exist as people, to places like Iran where they become doctors and lawyers, to places like the USA where in some cases they are high powered and in other cases they are screwed. Femaleness is apparently very political. Why is it so political? I was once told that it is so political because men are jealous of women's ability to give life and therefore feel a need to exert control over women. I don't think this is the case. I think that what we have here is an identity crisis and it is brought on by men forgetting how to be men and so women can't really be women. This is an over simplified view of the world of course, but seeing as I am planning on moving on to greener pastures at some point in the not too distant future it is important to keep things as simple as possible.

There are obviously many ways to be male or female, but this is not a post about masculinity being dead or my thoughts and feelings on that topic. This is a post about the political system interacting with women. If Margaret Thatcher had been a man would people have mocked her as much as they did and call her the "Iron lady" probably not, she'd probably have been treated much the way Vladimir Putin has been treated, he's been mocked in the context of Russian history but no one has commented in a mocking manner about the way he acts as a man.

Positions of power are always tenuous and need special attention no matter who is in them, but it seems that once in a blue moon power gets turned on its head. Looking at for example the Thompson campaign. If Mrs. Thompson was 24 years older than Fred would people say the things about Fred that they say about her? It's an interesting question. What is power and where does it come from, who really holds the power in these couples?

The most interesting example of women politically speaking I believe is the women of Iran. Iranian women are very free and yet very un-free at the same time. This is often more true of American women than we wish to admit (perhaps this is also true in Europe I don't know). The Iranians are a very proud people and should be given more respect from people than they have been getting.

There seems to be much debate about this particular biblical passage and what the part about being a desolate woman refers to. Many have said that it is a reference to her never having children. I have always been of the opinion that it refers to her being hollowed out and being made a shell of a person by the event. This is what happened to me after my rape, and continues to happen to me related to some other issues. I believe that this is what the reference is about the profound grief that not only the initial transgression creates, but is further created by an environmental response of don't talk about it, or it will go away, or I don't believe you, or some other similar response. Perhaps this is not what is intended, but it is often the way these things happen to play out. This creates an environment that causes one who has survived to question everything, including themselves at a very basic level. Of course Tamar didn't have children, how could she ever trust another man after what happened with her brother? However, she needed to be somewhere so she goes to the house of her brother, it seems to make sense. He also is an interesting character in this story, I've always found his character to be fascinating, the way he says nothing to anyone and then just kills the man. I wonder if he tells Tamar what happened and she feels more grief or if she continues to just wonder if her brother believes her.

Most of the time no one believes, I know this has been my experience and it creates even more grief. How can one recover and be normal when the messages coming in are wrong? How can things be done in a manner that makes it easier to get on with things if one is constantly wondering if they are believed and if the emotions are valid. The reality is that these situations could lead to great healing but often they lead to more pain and suffering.

I wonder what really is the cause of her desolation, but I have a general idea it is the same sort of desolation I have been feeling. "I'm dead and I haven't figured it out yet" I nearly laughed when someone said that to me about themselves. I think it is definitely true in my case.

2 Samuel 13

The Rape of Tamar
1 Now David's son Absalom had a beautiful sister named Tamar. And Amnon, her half brother, fell desperately in love with her.2 Amnon became so obsessed with Tamar that he became ill. She was a virgin, and Amnon thought he could never have her.
3 But Amnon had a very crafty friend—his cousin Jonadab. He was the son of David's brother Shimea.*4 One day Jonadab said to Amnon, "What's the trouble? Why should the son of a king look so dejected morning after morning?"
So Amnon told him, "I am in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister."
5 "Well," Jonadab said, "I'll tell you what to do. Go back to bed and pretend you are ill. When your father comes to see you, ask him to let Tamar come and prepare some food for you. Tell him you'll feel better if she prepares it as you watch and feeds you with her own hands."
6 So Amnon lay down and pretended to be sick. And when the king came to see him, Amnon asked him, "Please let my sister Tamar come and cook my favorite dish* as I watch. Then I can eat it from her own hands."7 So David agreed and sent Tamar to Amnon's house to prepare some food for him.
8 When Tamar arrived at Amnon's house, she went to the place where he was lying down so he could watch her mix some dough. Then she baked his favorite dish for him.9 But when she set the serving tray before him, he refused to eat. "Everyone get out of here," Amnon told his servants. So they all left.
10 Then he said to Tamar, "Now bring the food into my bedroom and feed it to me here." So Tamar took his favorite dish to him.11 But as she was feeding him, he grabbed her and demanded, "Come to bed with me, my darling sister."
12 "No, my brother!" she cried. "Don't be foolish! Don't do this to me! Such wicked things aren't done in Israel.13 Where could I go in my shame? And you would be called one of the greatest fools in Israel. Please, just speak to the king about it, and he will let you marry me."
14 But Amnon wouldn't listen to her, and since he was stronger than she was, he raped her.15 Then suddenly Amnon's love turned to hate, and he hated her even more than he had loved her. "Get out of here!" he snarled at her.
16 "No, no!" Tamar cried. "Sending me away now is worse than what you've already done to me."
But Amnon wouldn't listen to her.17 He shouted for his servant and demanded, "Throw this woman out, and lock the door behind her!"
18 So the servant put her out and locked the door behind her. She was wearing a long, beautiful robe,* as was the custom in those days for the king's virgin daughters.19 But now Tamar tore her robe and put ashes on her head. And then, with her face in her hands, she went away crying.
20 Her brother Absalom saw her and asked, "Is it true that Amnon has been with you? Well, my sister, keep quiet for now, since he's your brother. Don't you worry about it." So Tamar lived as a desolate woman in her brother Absalom's house.
21 When King David heard what had happened, he was very angry.*22 And though Absalom never spoke to Amnon about this, he hated Amnon deeply because of what he had done to his sister.

Absalom's Revenge on Amnon
23 Two years later, when Absalom's sheep were being sheared at Baal-hazor near Ephraim, Absalom invited all the king's sons to come to a feast.24 He went to the king and said, "My sheep-shearers are now at work. Would the king and his servants please come to celebrate the occasion with me?"
25 The king replied, "No, my son. If we all came, we would be too much of a burden on you." Absalom pressed him, but the king would not come, though he gave Absalom his blessing.
26 "Well, then," Absalom said, "if you can't come, how about sending my brother Amnon with us?"
"Why Amnon?" the king asked.27 But Absalom kept on pressing the king until he finally agreed to let all his sons attend, including Amnon. So Absalom prepared a feast fit for a king.*
28 Absalom told his men, "Wait until Amnon gets drunk; then at my signal, kill him! Don't be afraid. I'm the one who has given the command. Take courage and do it!"29 So at Absalom's signal they murdered Amnon. Then the other sons of the king jumped on their mules and fled.
30 As they were on the way back to Jerusalem, this report reached David: "Absalom has killed all the king's sons; not one is left alive!"31 The king got up, tore his robe, and threw himself on the ground. His advisers also tore their clothes in horror and sorrow.
32 But just then Jonadab, the son of David's brother Shimea, arrived and said, "No, don't believe that all the king's sons have been killed! It was only Amnon! Absalom has been plotting this ever since Amnon raped his sister Tamar.33 No, my lord the king, your sons aren't all dead! It was only Amnon."34 Meanwhile Absalom escaped.
Then the watchman on the Jerusalem wall saw a great crowd coming toward the city from the west. He ran to tell the king, "I see a crowd of people coming from the Horonaim road* along the side of the hill."
35 "Look!" Jonadab told the king. "There they are now! The king's sons are coming, just as I said."
36 They soon arrived, weeping and sobbing, and the king and all his servants wept bitterly with them.37 And David mourned many days for his son Amnon.
Absalom fled to his grandfather, Talmai son of Ammihud, the king of Geshur.38 He stayed there in Geshur for three years.39 And King David, now reconciled to Amnon's death, longed to be reunited with his son Absalom.*