Fall

I find it hard to believe winter is on the way again, much closer than we think it is really. Oddly enough I have chosen this time to recreate myself, and am praying fervently for success. I feel like a complete failure as I sit here writing this post, after all it is an obscene hour here and I should be sleeping. I had a great job interview last week for a day job that I could do while working on getmearealjob.com and my own Mary Kay business. However, as is the story of my professional life, due to budget cuts the position can no longer be filled.

There are additional problems to be addressed of course, there always are and I am so very tired. I want some normalcy, I know that is asking for too much but I really want to live a quiet life where I can feel safe and know that there will be enough money to survive, I don't have to be extravagant, but I would like to have my kids back, and a house, and a dog or maybe 2 dogs they seem to be like children in that they do much better with another being of their own kind.

I don't know what to do with these challenges as nothing seems to curb my anxiety. Sometimes I feel as if I will die if the anxiety doesn't disipate, and sometimes I feel as if I am already dead and gone. I feel 900 years old most days....life is good don't get me wrong, but I don't understand why everything must be so challenging.