I told my friend A. that I was planning to write a book (I even have a title for it) on the topic of preacher's children that are grandchildren of Jews converting back to Judaism, or maybe just the non-Jewish grandchild of a Jew that converts back, and she suggested that I take notes throughout the conversion process so that I can reflect back on that during the writing of the book when I am post conversion and ready to record it. I can't recall if I have really taken a full accounting of notes as to how I got to the point I am now in having decided to convert, or whether I've kept that really hidden from the world. Some of you may know all this about me already, some of you will be bored in that case. The rest of you are in for a treat I suppose as I decided maybe I should use my blog to keep notes. I'd like to do a few posts about this, and in kind of randomized order I suppose as I don't always think linear. I welcome comments, questions, and other things posted on here. So long as you don't reveal who I really am. I will try to answer your questions in subsequent posts. I realize this is non-political, but frankly it doesn't matter politics can only take up so much of one's time.
I have always felt like I was born into the wrong family. I always felt more at home in the Jewish community. When I was a child most of my friends were Jewish. I can remember as a 9 year old child asking my father why everyone else lit a menorah and we didn't. Lucky for me, he went out and got one for me and we lit it. I used to try to talk to my grandfather about being Jewish, but he refused to discuss the subject and would make up things when I'd ask him questions. I used to ask all the rabbis I had access to by virtue of the area we lived in and my dad's position all kinds of questions, I even stumped a few of them.
I grew up though, not really even knowing that people could convert to being Jewish. I went on with my life, went to a Christian college, married my Christian husband, raising our Christian children. Still feeling like something was missing, so I asked the Chassidic community near by if there were activities I could participate in as a non-Jew. I even explained about my heritage, and I was welcomed warmly. The rabbi was the first person to suggest to me conversion. That was in January of 2008 when I met him face to face and we were talking about my background, he very quickly suggested that I convert. He didn't say it with pressure or anything. I was really excited and felt blessed by this. He said I needed to keep my name though, which made me feel sort of sad, I never liked my name and I'd like to change it.
When my marriage fell apart, and with it so many other aspects of my community so to speak I decided to start attending synagogue fairly regularly and have felt very at home in this community. After some time I decided that I don't want to be an outsider forever and I can always come back and visit this community as my new family and my sort of mother community so to speak. They will all wish me well it seems, one woman even blessed me that I be a good convert etc. I want what these people have, and though I can never be a Jew from birth I can choose to take on the challenge.
So, this is the start of when I decided to convert. I think it is the culmination of everything from my childhood and maybe even before my childhood. This is an executive summary of course of these matters, but I wanted to just include a bit of a note regarding this. I'm looking forward to having a topic to do a series of blog posts on outside of the usual.
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2 comments:
Question: I ask this respectfully, it's in no way meant to question your decisions or beliefs. I am curious however and you did invite questions. It is up to you if you want to answer...
Question: Knowing the Jewish history of endless persecution, exile & hardship, when then would you want to join this tribe?
Background:
My grandfather came from an ultra-religious family in Poland. When Hitler began his ascent to power (aka the descent to HELL), most of the family stayed. "Surely the world would not allow Hitler to realize the INSANITY he detailed in Mein Kempf & even if they did - surely H*shem would protect us" - they thought. After all, they were ultra-religious, sent the kids to Yeshiva, kept kosher, kept Sabbath. They lived as Tzadiks (or made the best attempts they could!)!
My grandfather, influenced by the ultra-secular (even anti-religious) Shomer Hatzair Movement was one of the few that did not take this route. He got on a boat and made the dangerous trip to the British Mandate region of Palestine.
Summarily: Those that looked to the heavens perished in Hitlers ovens; but those that abandoned the old ways, those that gave up the tfelin, kipa, prayers, kosher food, & even their names - were spared.
They struggled during those early years but they eventually turned the malarial swamps into thriving Kibbutzes. Four generations later, our family lives because 2 (of 12 siblings) chose to leave the religious aspect of Judaism back in Europe.
One can take the story of my family and apply it to the greater population of Judaism. For thousands of years we were persecuted, murdered and exiled! Just about every Empire that took over Israel became hostile towards the Jews at some point.
This persecution and exile is what lead to the Diaspora - yet even outside of Israel the suffering continued. Jews were the favorite scapegoat of both East & West. Pogroms & other targetted killings were happening centuries before Hitler rose to power. YET WE KEPT PRAYING AND UTTERING "NEXT YEAR IN JERUSALEM"... As the hatred became part of popular culture, anti-Sematism became MAINSTREAM. Hitler and his Final Solution were but the (almost) Final Chapter in a very long story of misery & subjecation!
IT WAS ONLY WHEN THE LARGELY SECULAR ZIONIST MOVEMENT (Herzl was no fan of religion, he despised Jerusalem) REFOUNDED ISRAEL THAT THE JEWS WERE FINALLY SAFE (at least somewhat, till this day we STILL fight for peace!). It took digging the Earth, draining the swamps (in the North) and backbreaking work in 45C heat (in the Deserts of the South) to realize the dream of Israel's rebirth. And when the Arabs attacked in unison it took weaponry and ingenuity.
If we are the "Chosen People", then I ask "CHOSEN FOR WHAT? Endless hardships"?
BTW, you can find me at wingless.aoriginality.com - I try to refrequent all the blogs I post at but it's impossible.
Much Luck & Prosperity
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